WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move aimed at completely misunderstanding how medicine works, FDA Commissioner Dr Lamenessy held a press conference on Tuesday in which he urged the nation’s diabetics to consider “just taking a nice cooking class” instead of relying on insulin to regulate their blood sugar.

“Look, I’m not saying don’t treat your chronic illness,” Lanning clarified, standing in front of a PowerPoint titled ‘Zoodles Over Needles’. “I’m simply suggesting that before you go injecting life-saving hormones, maybe try a fun Mediterranean cooking workshop at your local community center. You’d be amazed what a little olive oil can do.”

The announcement comes amid growing criticism over insulin prices in the U.S., which currently require most diabetics to choose between staying alive or breaking into their kid’s college fund. Lamenessy, however, framed the issue as “more of a vibe problem.”

“Do we really need Big Pharma when we have big flavor?” Lamenessy asked, holding up a head of cauliflower as though it were a miracle drug. “Instead of injecting insulin, try injecting a little spice into your life. Have you heard of turmeric? It’s basically nature’s Ozempic.”

Medical professionals nationwide responded with swift outrage, noting that insulin is not optional, diabetes is not seasonal, and no one has ever sautéed their way out of a coma.

“This is like telling people with asthma to ‘just learn to breathe deeper,’” said endocrinologist Dr. Felicia Ramos. “I’m thrilled he’s discovered quinoa, but that’s not going to stop someone’s pancreas from quitting its job in 1997.”

Meanwhile, Lamenessy doubled down on his holistic approach to chronic illness, adding that cancer patients might want to “start journaling more” and those with epilepsy should consider “forest bathing and chill.”