PORTLAND, OR — Sources confirmed Friday that teenager Zackariah Jones, 18, has completed a harrowing, months-long journey of self-realisation that has left him approximately 17% more enlightened and 53.3% more radiant.

Before his magical transformation, Jones catastrophised for leisure and spent the bulk of his free time mewing.

What began as a routine gap semester filled with existential dread and baking classes masquerading as Chemistry lessons had culminated in Jones shedding his “dread shroud,” a metaphorical yet suspiciously mildew-scented garment, and fashioning it into what he now refers to as his “hope cape.”

“It just kind of fluttered behind him one day in our newly established community garden,” said witness and part-time orchid enthusiast Alaric Greene. “He gave a monologue about self-acceptance and composting. It was… strangely moving and brought pearly tears to my eyes.”

Eyewitnesses claim Jones now flits from class to neighborhood, bestowing unsolicited witticisms and wisdom upon unsuspecting schoolmates, teachers and office support staff. He is rumored to carry A Short History of Nearly Single Everything, which he quotes at will.

The student’s transformation allegedly began when he stared into a mirror for three consecutive hours while listening to Taylor Swift and realised, quote, “the universe is a collaborative playlist.”

From there, Jones claims he unlocked several chakras, forgave himself for doing well academically when he was younger and referred to his thoughts as “internal TED Talks.”

“He told my grandma that ‘truth is a verb’ and then did a cartwheel into the sunset,” said neighbour and amateur cynic Brian Tisdale. “We’re all a little terrified, but he is very good at metaphor.”

At press time, Jones was seen sitting outside the staff room, rehearsing his interpretive dance and offering free palmistry predictions.