HELL CANYON, PANGEA — In a harrowing reminder that cruelty is truly the oldest species on Earth, sources confirmed Wednesday that a local dinosaur known scientifically as Tragisaurus repulsica and colloquially as “Eyesaur,” continues to endure relentless bullying, name-calling, and skin shaming due to what paleontologists are calling “objectively unfortunate facial arrangements.”

Born with asymmetrical nostrils, misaligned scales, and what one Velociraptor described as “the aura of a melted potato,” Eyesaur has spent most of the Jurassic period being excluded from tar pit parties, mocked during meteor drills, and forced to eat alone under a wilting fern.

“He’s got a face only a comet could love,” said Alpha Tyrannosaur Chadtooth, flicking his tail while flexing his scaly pecs. “Every time he walks by, the sun voluntarily sets. I mean, it’s bad.”

Despite being a gentle herbivore with a passion for cave painting and community composting, Eyesaur has become the unofficial punchline of every schoolyard insult.

“Look, I teach evolutionary biology, not emotional resilience,” said Ms. Stegawitz, a middle school science teacher. “But when the other dinos saw him, one of them literally evolved wings and flew away. That’s not bullying—that’s survival instinct.”

“I know I’m not apex predator material,” Eyesaur told reporters in a teary-eyed interview from behind a shrub. “But I just want to be seen for who I am: a complex, emotionally sentient creature with pubertal eczema.”

A small coalition of outcast species, including a monocerotops with a unihorn and a theropod with six toes, have started a “Scales Are Just Shells” support group to raise awareness of dermal discrimination in the Mesozoic.

At press time, Eyesaur was reportedly planning to move to the swamps of what would one day become Florida, where he hopes to live out his days in peace, free from criticism, and finally embrace his inner monstrosity.