TOKYO — Asked by a gym acquaintance whether his stomach had gotten flatter after months of “watching what he eats, mostly with his eyes,” 34-year-old Okokito Tagawa confidently responded, “Yes, it’s flat — but the ‘L’ is silent.”

Sources say the room fell into brief, confused silence before Tagawa gently patted his lovingly cultivated paunch, which has maintained consistent volume since the Circuit Breaker days.

“What I meant is, it’s fat,” Tagawa clarified, beaming with the pride of a man who has come to terms with his aerodynamic fortitude. “Flat…ish. In the dark. If you squint. From a respectful distance.”

Tagawa, who recently downloaded a fitness app but only uses it to track bubble tea purchases, insists that body positivity is important—especially when the body insists on staying positive despite best efforts to abandon carbs.

“I’ve got abs,” he added, pointing vaguely at his midsection. “They’re just shy.”

Friends report Tagawa’s next health goal is to achieve the mythical “shirt that fits but doesn’t judge,” while his current workout routine involves lifting groceries and occasionally dodging difficult emotions.

At press time, Tagawa was overheard saying he could do a sit-up, but refuses to because “gravity is a social construct.”