SINGAPORE — With polling day fast approaching, local voter Darren Ong, 29, confirmed Monday that he has been working overtime furiously researching candidates’ appearances to make the most informed shallow decision possible for the 2025 General Elections.

“I take my civic duty very seriously,” said Ong, flipping between Instagram profiles, campaign posters, and highly unflattering screengrabs from CNA debates. “If I’m going to be stuck looking at one of their faces on banners for the next five years, it better be someone who can pull off a blazer without looking like a lost intern.”

Sources report Ong has developed an elaborate evaluation matrix, awarding points for jawline sharpness, hair resilience against Singapore humidity, and the ability to smile without appearing like they just lost $10,000 at Marina Bay Sands.

“Policy is important, yes,” Ong conceded, “but can you imagine staring at someone who looks like expired tofu while stuck in traffic under their giant poster at PIE every day? That’s a mental health hazard.”

Ong added, “Collectively, we need to make the correct decision and vote responsibly such that no one suffers the tyranny of smug looks from banner faces every festive season. These banners are everywhere, man.”

At press time, Ong had shortlisted two candidates: one who “looks like she could model for Uniqlo” and another whose “eyebrows suggest strong leadership and possibly a hidden six-pack.”