SINGAPORE — In what analysts are calling a “record-breaking show of emotion per electoral cycle,” 29 Singaporean politicians collectively cried for a staggering 188 minutes during the 2025 General Elections, according to official estimates released Thursday.

Tear counts, meticulously tracked by political observers and concerned aunties nationwide, ranged from the occasional tasteful sniffle to full-blown chest-heaving sobs, often strategically deployed within three seconds of mentioning “the people’s trust” or “serving with heart.”

“On average, that’s 6.48 minutes of crying per candidate,” said Professor Lionel Goh of the Institute of Political Optics. “We’re entering a golden age of highly rehearsed public vulnerability.”

Sources confirmed that tears flowed most heavily during nomination speeches, concession stand interviews, and any moment involving shaky voice quivers while thanking “Ah Ma and Ah Gong.”

Several candidates were even spotted passing around packets of Pokka Green Tea tissues, in what witnesses described as “the most Singaporean form of solidarity imaginable.”

Local man Linus Tan Ah Gao said, “I’ll stake the entire future of my family, my entire estate on the political party with the most criers.” Tears rolled down his cheeks like glistening pearls.

At press time, the Elections Department was reportedly considering introducing a maximum crying time limit to ensure “fairness and emotional fatigue management,” after a candidate attempted to trigger tears using Vicks VapoRub backstage.