TOLEDO, OH — In a revelation that reportedly “shook her to the core,” local grandmother Irene Dobbins, 82, expressed genuine shock Monday upon discovering that Albert Einstein was, in fact, a real human being and not just a theoretical physicist.

“I always thought ‘theoretical physicist’ meant he was… you know, theoretical,” said Dobbins, clutching a biography of Einstein like it was a newly declassified government document. “Like a concept. Like Santa Claus, but for equations.”

The confusion reportedly began in the early 1950s when Dobbins first heard of Einstein in a high school science class but assumed he was simply a metaphor teachers used to frighten students into understanding relativity.

“I thought he was just a symbol of intelligence,” she added. “You know, like how we say ‘that’s so Einstein’ when someone does something dumb? I figured it was ironic.”

Dobbins only realized the truth after watching a History Channel documentary. “They said he fled the Nazis, had hair, and even had a passport. A passport! That’s not something a metaphor carries!”

When reached for comment, her grandson, Nathan, 23, quietly whispered, “Please don’t tell her about Marie Curie. She still thinks that’s a fancy weight loss program.”