BUKIT PANJANG, SINGAPORE — In a devastating blow to her weekend plans and emotional stability, local woman Cheryl Ng, 28, confirmed Saturday that her so-called “social battery” may not be functional after all, as it turns out she accidentally purchased a photo of one on Shopee during a 3am retail therapy spiral.

“I thought I was recharging,” Cheryl said, lying flat on her bed after making eye contact with three people at a housewarming. “But it turns out I’ve been running on vibes and false promises this whole time.”

Cheryl had apparently ordered what she believed to be a portable emotional resilience pack for $3.99 during a 9.9 Mega Sale. However, upon closer inspection, she discovered the listing included the word “illustration only” in Comic Sans, and all she had actually received was a high-res JPEG of a Duracell social battery.

“I should’ve known,” Cheryl muttered, staring blankly at the confirmation email. “There was free shipping and it said ‘instantly downloadable.’”

Friends noted that Cheryl attempted to attend a birthday dinner shortly after “recharging,” only to burn out 12 minutes in after someone asked her how work was going and how much she was earning and what were her promotion prospects.