SINGAPORE—Confirming what many have long suspected, a groundbreaking new study has revealed that, at this stage in human civilization, no one wants to be friends anymore, and honestly, everyone’s kind of okay with it.

“People keep saying they want more meaningful connections, but when presented with an opportunity to actually make a friend, they will opt out 100% of the time,” said Dr. Kelly Harmon Lee, lead researcher at the Institute for Social Avoidance. “In controlled experiments, participants were given multiple chances to engage in friendly conversation with a stranger. Instead, they all nodded politely, mumbled something about being busy, and then left.”

The study found that potential friendships consistently failed at critical moments, including the “we should hang out sometime” phase, the “tentative plan” phase, and the universally dreaded “actually finalizing a plan” phase.

“It’s not that people hate each other,” Dr. Lee continued. “It’s just that making a new friend requires effort, emotional vulnerability, and, worst of all, responding to text messages in a timely manner.”

Despite widespread loneliness, the overwhelming majority of people reported feeling a deep sense of relief whenever plans were cancelled. “I was supposed to get coffee with a coworker last Saturday,” said local resident Derek Lim, 33. “But then she texted, ‘Rain check?’ and I felt something I haven’t felt in years: pure, unadulterated joy.”

Experts also noted that maintaining friendships from the past has become increasingly difficult, as most adults prefer to communicate through occasional Instagram likes and once-a-year “We should catch up soon!” messages that neither party intends to follow up on.

“The problem is, making friends is work,” said psychologist Dr. Angela Dela Ruiz. “And at the end of the day, most people are like, ‘I already have a job. Why would I want another where I have to be emotionally available and go places?’”

At press time, millions of Singaporeans were reportedly experiencing a vague sense of social emptiness, which they planned to address by doom-scrolling through their phones on Reddit, Instagram, Facebook and Youtube comment logs then going to bed late.