ORLANDO, FL — Midway through a $7,000 family vacation to the “Happiest Place on Earth,” local mother Linda Tan was seen whispering through clenched teeth to her 8-year-old son, Ethan, “This is the happiest place on Earth. Don’t make me slap you.”

The emotional moment occurred outside the Space Mountain gift shop, where Ethan had committed the heinous crime of asking for a third souvenir and crying when denied.

“I did not remortgage our flat and spend three hours in a virtual queue for you to throw a tantrum next to a life-sized Goofy,” hissed Linda, smiling forcefully at passing tourists while her hand hovered at precisely 70% slap-readiness.

Bystanders report a surreal scene of a perfectly curated Instagram moment accompanied by the low, dangerous hum of suppressed maternal rage.

“I swear, Ethan, you better start feeling joy right now, or so help me, I will drag your happy little ass back to the hotel,” Linda added, eyes locked on her son with the intensity of a Disney witch on the edge.

At press time, Ethan was seen smiling through tears on a spinning teacup, his fear-fuelled joy indistinguishable from real happiness—just as Walt intended.