SINGAPORE — In a bold declaration of ambition, 27-year-old part-time Twitch streamer Darren Low proposed a revolutionary life plan to his girlfriend: move in with his parents so she and his mom can “work together as a team” to take care of him.

“You’re so nurturing, and my mum already does my laundry — I just feel like you two would vibe,” Darren said, while lying horizontally on a beanbag chair mid-FIFA session. “Plus, rent is so expensive lah.”

Sources confirm that Darren has not held a full-time job since 2021, citing “burnout from uni studies” and a deep commitment to his personal growth journey, which mostly involves gaming and complaining about his back.

Reactions to his proposal were swift and visceral after his girlfriend posted her situation on Reddit.

“Crazy, I felt my ovaries dry up at that from afar,” said one commenter.

“Me too, and I don’t even have ovaries anymore,” added another.

“My entire uterus fell out reading that,” one woman reported, while another simply stated, “Mine imploded.”

“I just went through menopause… AGAIN,” a final user whispered, holding back digital tears.

At press time, Darren was seen Googling “Can you get paid to be emotionally supported full-time?” while wondering why his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend hadn’t texted back in three days.