BOSTON—A groundbreaking new study from the National Institute of Linguistic Analysis has confirmed that the phrase “with all due respect” has never, in the history of human communication, been followed by an actually respectful remark.

“Our research indicates that 100% of the time, this phrase is simply a polite throat-clearing before a devastating verbal attack,” said lead researcher Dr. Carla Hewitt. “Essentially, it’s a way to say ‘prepare yourself for some absolute disrespect’ while technically maintaining plausible deniability.”

The study, which analysed over 10,000 documented uses of the phrase, found that it was most commonly followed by insults such as “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” and “Maybe you should sit this one out.”

“When someone starts a sentence with ‘with all due respect,’ it’s safe to assume that whatever respect is actually due is approximately zero,” Hewitt explained. “It’s basically the linguistic equivalent of drawing your sword while claiming you come in peace.”

The findings have led to widespread recommendations that the phrase be reclassified as a formal warning, much like “No offense” and “Don’t take this the wrong way”.

“With all due respect, anyone still using this phrase unironically should be studied next,” Hewitt added.