CHICAGO—Panic reportedly swept through the fourth floor of Branson & Co. Marketing this morning after employee Emily Carter, 29, made prolonged eye contact with male colleague Josh Reynolds, 32, while peeling and consuming a banana, leaving the entire office shaken and uncertain about the correct course of action.

According to witnesses, the incident unfolded slowly but horrifically, with Emily calmly peeling the banana in three fluid motions, pausing briefly before taking a deliberate first bite—without breaking eye contact with Josh, who sat exactly six feet away.

“She looked right at him. The whole time,” whispered coworker Mark Davidson, still visibly disturbed. “Not a glance. Not an accident. A full, sustained gaze. And then—she just kept chewing.”

Reports confirm that Josh, caught in the high-stakes psychological battlefield of ‘Do I look away first?’, sat frozen in place, his entire professional reputation now hinging on how he reacted to what had just occurred.

“I didn’t know where to look,” said Josh, clearly traumatized. “At the banana? That felt weird. At her eyes? That felt weirder. At my screen? I forgot how computers work.”

In the agonizing 15 seconds that followed, other employees attempted to de-escalate the situation by shuffling papers, clearing throats, and pretending this wasn’t happening.

“I tried to break the tension by asking what everyone wanted for lunch,” said section manager Kelly Simms. “But it was too late. The damage was done.”

At press time, Emily remained completely unaware of the chaos she had caused, while Josh was last seen walking to HR.