SACRAMENTO, CA— In what many are calling a bold and misguided life choice, 17-year-old Ethan Davis has set his sights on becoming a full-fledged incel, viewing it as “the ultimate life achievement.” Inspired by online forums and the world of “red-pill” philosophies, Davis has begun a rigorous self-training program to embrace the life of isolation, anger, and self-pity that many others find themselves drawn to in their most formative years.

“I know some people just ‘fall into it,’ but I’m working hard to earn my incel status,” said Davis, sitting alone in his dimly lit room, scrolling through posts on r/Incels. “This is about commitment. The true incel doesn’t just get handed his misery—he has to fight for it. I’m reading all the right books, avoiding social interactions, and, most importantly, perfecting my sour outlook on life.”

Davis, who is an honors student and has a decent number of friends, claims he’s already begun to embrace the key pillars of incel philosophy: mistrust of women, excessive bitterness toward society, and a refusal to take responsibility for his own happiness.

“Yeah, I don’t get how people just move on from their problems,” he said, shaking his head. “You don’t just get to be happy. You have to reject it. Why work on yourself when you can just blame everything on women and the government, right?”

Psychologists are concerned about Davis’ fixation, with one expert explaining, “While we commend any teenager’s determination to find a purpose, we strongly advise against pursuing negativity as a career path.”

Despite the warnings, Davis is unyielding. “Incel or bust,” he said, staring into the kaleidoscopic abyss of his Instagram feed. “This is my destiny.”