PORTLAND, OR—Local man Kyle Henderson, 27, has reportedly taken the English language hostage by inserting the word “literally” into every single sentence he speaks, according to sources who are literally at their wits’ end.

“It’s literally the most exhausting thing I’ve ever experienced,” said coworker Jenna Mills, who was forced to listen to Henderson describe his “literally insane” weekend plans. “Yesterday, he said, ‘I literally can’t even function without coffee,’ and then immediately followed it up with, ‘This coffee is literally so hot I could die.’ He was fine both times. I watched it happen.”

Henderson, who describes himself as “literally just a chill guy,” claims he doesn’t see the problem.

“I literally don’t get why people are making a big deal about it,” he said, while eating what he described as “literally the best sandwich of all time.” “I literally just talk how I talk, you know? Language is literally always evolving, and I’m just, like, literally vibing with it.”

Friends say the habit has only gotten worse over time, with Henderson now using “literally” in ways that defy logic, physics, and basic human comprehension.

“He said, ‘I literally died laughing,’” said best friend Mark Thompson, shaking his head. “But he was, you know, not dead. Then, he said his phone ‘literally blew up,’ but he was still using it. And last week, he told me he was ‘literally drowning in work,’ but he had time to go to happy hour. It’s like, do words mean anything to this man?”

Linguists have weighed in, noting that Henderson’s case is part of a larger trend in the bastardization of words.

“This phenomenon is literally not new,” said Dr. Angela Perez, a language expert who refused to use the word herself. “But Kyle has taken it to a level that is, quite frankly, disturbing. If he continues at this rate, ‘literally’ will become entirely meaningless by next year.”

Despite mounting complaints, Henderson remains unapologetic. “People are literally so dramatic about this,” he said, sipping what he claimed was “literally the strongest margarita ever made.” “It’s literally not that serious.”

At press time, Henderson’s coworkers were debating staging an intervention, though sources feared he would call it “literally life-changing.”