AUSTIN, TX—Local man Daniel Mercer, 28, has reportedly entered a deep personal crisis after an offhand comment at a party revealed the horrifying truth that his carefully styled hair closely resembles a head of broccoli.

“I thought I was rocking a trendy, voluminous look,” said Mercer, staring blankly into the bathroom mirror, aggressively smoothing his curls in vain. “But apparently, I’ve just been walking around looking like a literal stalk of cruciferous produce.”

The revelation came at a casual gathering Saturday night when an acquaintance, Katie Reynolds, glanced at Mercer and, with zero hesitation, said, “Oh my God, your hair looks exactly like broccoli.” Witnesses report that the room immediately fell silent as Mercer blinked in stunned horror, while partygoers who had previously never considered the resemblance suddenly found themselves unable to unsee it.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” said Reynolds, who has since been blocked on all of Mercer’s social media accounts. “It was just an observation. Like, you know, how some people’s hair looks like ramen noodles? His just happens to look like a small, nutritious tree.”

Mercer, however, has reportedly not been the same since. Sources close to him say he spent the remainder of the night spiraling, repeatedly running his hands through his curls and Googling “broccoli hair solutions” before abruptly excusing himself and disappearing into the night.

“It’s all I can think about now,” said Mercer, who, according to coworkers, has started wearing a beanie indoors despite the office thermostat being set to a balmy 75 degrees. “I used to be confident. I thought my hair made me look carefree and effortlessly stylish. But now? Now I just see green.”

Reports indicate that Mercer briefly considered shaving his head before realizing that a buzz cut might only worsen his predicament, potentially leading to comparisons to a Brussels sprout.

At press time, Mercer was last seen consulting with his barber, asking if there was any way to “de-vegetable” his aesthetic, only to be met with an uncomfortable pause and the question, “Okay, but have you ever seen cauliflower?”