WASHINGTON—In a historic display of economic pragmatism, millions of Americans have reportedly given up on democracy in exchange for a 10% discount on eggs, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“If sacrificing free elections means I can finally afford breakfast again, sign me up,” said Ohio resident Mike Patterson, while carefully calculating how many cage-free eggs he could now buy without having to dip into his retirement savings. “At this point, I’d trade the entire Bill of Rights for a buy-one-get-one-free deal.”

The nationwide movement, dubbed “Egg-qualitarianism,” began when grocery chains started offering “Freedom Value Pricing”—an exclusive discount program for those willing to forfeit certain democratic privileges. Customers who signed up for the program reportedly received a lifetime 10% discount on eggs in exchange for agreeing to never complain about political corruption, election integrity, or the erosion of civil liberties again.

“Look, I’m a patriot, but have you seen the price of eggs?” said Florida resident Susan Thompson, who eagerly traded her right to vote for the ability to make a frittata without taking out a payday loan. “It’s not like my vote ever counted anyway. But this omelet? This omelet is real.”

Political analysts warn that the trend may rapidly escalate, with some reports suggesting that corporations are now offering even greater discounts to those willing to sign non-disclosure agreements about economic inequality, labor rights, and corporate monopolization.

“The market has spoken,” said economist Daniel Reilly. “Voters have realized that representative government doesn’t put food on the table, but a loyalty card with egg-based incentives does.”

In a rare bipartisan effort, lawmakers are scrambling to respond, with some proposing a new federal holiday where Americans can briefly experience democracy before exchanging it for bulk pricing at Costco. Others argue that capitalism is already democracy, as evidenced by consumers being free to choose between which mega-corporation exploits them the least.

At press time, several Americans were seen drafting a petition to trade constitutional protections against unlawful search and seizure for a permanent rollback on milk prices, with one man reportedly asking, “Do I even need free speech if I can afford butter again?”