CHICAGO — In what can only be described as a desperate attempt to inject some joy into an otherwise tedious chore, local resident Kyle Reynolds was seen announcing “Alright, it’s bath time!” to a towering pile of dirty dishes before grimly plunging his hands into the sink.

“I like to think it makes the process a little more fun,” said Reynolds, vigorously scrubbing what appeared to be a two-day-old mac and cheese plate. “If I pretend I’m running a tiny dish spa, it almost feels less like a soul-crushing obligation and more like an act of kindness.”

Eyewitnesses, including his unimpressed roommate Josh, confirmed that Reynolds even provided individual dish commentary as he worked. “Oh, Mr. Coffee Mug, you’ve been working so hard! You deserve a nice soak,” he reportedly cooed before aggressively scrubbing away a hardened ring of dried caffeine. “Uh-oh, looks like somebody forgot to rinse their plate! Naughty, naughty!”

Reynolds, who had neglected his dish duties for nearly a week, reportedly began with enthusiasm but quickly descended into bitterness. “Why do I have so many cups? I don’t even drink this much water,” he muttered under his breath. “I swear, these forks reproduce overnight.”

Sources say Reynolds was eventually forced to confront his own failings when he retrieved a bowl from the sink that had developed a suspicious biofilm. “This is just… unacceptable,” he whispered, his spirit visibly breaking as he realized he would have to let it soak for another hour. “Maybe I’ll just throw it away and pretend it never existed.”

At press time, Reynolds had reportedly considered leaving his remaining dishes in the sink “for just a little longer” while telling himself that the stack of plates “needed to marinate” before their next luxurious spa treatment.