CHICAGO — Local resident Brian Dawson reportedly took a moment before leaving his apartment this morning to sternly remind his pet hamster, Mr. Nibbles, not to open the door for any strangers while he was out.

“I don’t care who it is, buddy,” Dawson was heard saying as he adjusted his coat. “No Jehovah’s Witnesses, no delivery guys, and absolutely no vacuum salesmen. If they ask for me, you say nothing.”

Witnesses confirm that Mr. Nibbles, a two-year-old Syrian hamster with no recorded history of answering doors, stared blankly from his enclosure as Dawson went on to outline a strict security protocol. “I know it’s tempting,” Dawson added, crouching down to meet the rodent’s gaze. “But I don’t want to come home and find you’ve let in some sketchy door-to-door salesman trying to scam you into a monthly newspaper subscription.”

Despite the fact that Mr. Nibbles has neither opposable thumbs nor a basic understanding of human social interactions, Dawson insisted the precaution was necessary. “You can never be too careful,” he explained. “One minute you think you’re safe, and the next thing you know, the cable company has convinced you to sign up for a premium sports package.”

Dawson then tested his pet’s situational awareness by knocking on the door himself and dramatically whispering, “Mr. Nibbles, it’s me! Let me in!” before shaking his head and saying, “Good, good—you’re learning.”

At press time, Dawson was reportedly considering installing a miniature security camera inside Mr. Nibbles’ cage, just in case the hamster ever decided to betray his trust and let in an uninvited guest.