DALLAS, TX—Employees at Westwood Financial Group were treated to an unexpected disruption Wednesday morning when an unknown and extremely pungent odor in the stairwell set off a company-wide emergency response, resulting in a full-scale building inspection and mass hysteria among staff.

According to sources, the incident began when a seemingly innocent protein shake consumed by an anonymous employee—later described as “the usual morning routine”—led to an unfortunate gastrointestinal event during their ascent to the office. The resulting emission, described by witnesses as “steamy” and “beef-adjacent,” was quickly detected by Senior Vice President of Human Resources, Karen McMullen, as she entered the stairwell moments later.

“It was like hitting an invisible wall of pure evil,” McMullen recounted, still visibly shaken. “I thought I was having a stroke at first, but then I realized it was something much worse. It was death itself.”

Alarmed by the olfactory assault, McMullen promptly alerted the Facilities Department, convinced that the building’s infrastructure had become a mass grave for some manner of vermin. This triggered a rapid response, including large industrial blower fans and an emergency HVAC consultation, as well as a visit from local pest control specialists at Orkin.

“We don’t take these things lightly,” said Facilities Manager, Greg Tuttle. “We were prepared to tear down walls if necessary.”

However, after a thorough inspection of the vents, ducts, and walls, no evidence of deceased wildlife was found, leaving the cause of the noxious miasma an unsettling mystery.

Employees were advised to work remotely for the remainder of the day while the office aired out, with some refusing to return until the “stench apocalypse” had been fully resolved. As of press time, an internal email had been circulated advising against “mysterious dietary choices that may pose an occupational hazard.”

The next day, an anonymous colleague sent an email to Ms Janice Hasboro from HR to claim responsibility for this biological bomb attack.

Ms Hasboro has since tendered her resignation after publicly declaring that she had enough of these shits.