SAN FRANCISCO — In a stunning display of corporate overconfidence, Mega Solutions executives have been left reeling after telling disgruntled employees to “quit if you don’t like it,” only to watch in horror as they actually did.

“We thought they’d just grumble and keep working,” said senior VP of Operations Colin Regan Reynolds, staring at a pile of resignation letters. “Turns out, when you treat people like replaceable cogs, they start looking for exits. Who could have seen this coming?”

The mass resignations have thrown the company into chaos, with remaining employees now being asked to “step up” by taking on triple workloads for no additional pay. Executives, meanwhile, have assured stakeholders that this is simply an “exciting period of transformation” and not, in fact, the desperate flailing of a sinking ship.

“I was planning on staying, but when my boss told me, ‘If you don’t like it, leave,’ I realized I didn’t like it,” said former employee Lisa Lewis, who has since found a job with better pay, benefits, and work-life balance. “So I left. I guess I misunderstood—I thought it was an invitation.”

At press time, Mega Solutions was reportedly in the middle of an emergency hiring spree, offering perks like “pizza parties” and “occasional praise” in an attempt to fill the positions they confidently told workers to abandon.