PHOENIX, AZ — In an unexpected display of academic enthusiasm, local high school students have reportedly begun using their knowledge of chemical kinetics and the three conditions necessary for an effective collision to strategize their pursuit of romance.

“Turns out, relationships are just a series of successful molecular interactions,” said junior Ethan Roberts, who recently began mapping out his dating life using collision theory. “You need sufficient energy, proper orientation, and frequent interactions—same as in a chemical reaction. That’s why I sit directly in Sarah’s line of sight in chemistry class. Increased collision frequency boosts reaction rates.”

Fellow student and self-proclaimed “dating catalyst” Jessica Tang explained that increasing energy levels is key to success. “Just like molecules need activation energy to react, you need to show enthusiasm and confidence when approaching someone,” she said. “That’s why I chug a Red Bull before talking to my crush. It’s basic thermodynamics.”

Teachers have expressed a mix of pride and concern over students’ newfound interest in applying scientific principles outside the classroom. “On one hand, I’m thrilled they’re thinking critically about chemistry,” said AP Chemistry teacher Mr. Holtz. “On the other hand, I just had to break up a heated debate about whether holding hands counts as an exothermic or endothermic reaction.”

Some students, however, have struggled with the practical application of kinetic principles. “I’ve increased the number of collisions by walking past my crush’s locker ten times a day, but I think my orientation must be off,” said sophomore Kevin Liu, frantically adjusting his posture and gaze angles.

At press time, parents expressed amazement that their children were putting their knowledge to excellent use. Sophie Jetaime, mother to two sets of teenage triplets said, “Oh, my children, I’m so proud that you are applying your knowledge to real world contexts!”