CINCINNATI, OH — Defying the natural order of adult friendships that typically fade into oblivion, a group of childhood friends has somehow managed to meet every month well into their 40s, solely to determine who is the most exhausted.

“We’ve been doing this since high school, but instead of talking about movies or dating, now we just spend the whole night one-upping each other about how tired we are,” said Ben Larson, who arrived to the gathering ten minutes late after briefly falling asleep in his driveway. “I thought I had it bad, but then Dave said he hasn’t had a full REM cycle since 2017, so I had to concede.”

Once an exciting monthly event featuring beer-fueled adventures and late-night debates about whether Batman could beat Spider-Man in a fight, the gatherings now consist of five men slumped around a table, nodding in silent solidarity over shared misery. Reports confirm that discussions include topics such as “weird creaks their joints are making now,” “the fastest way to fall asleep on the couch without your spouse getting mad,” and “that one magical morning where they somehow woke up feeling rested, but it never happened again.”

Psychologists suggest that the group’s ability to maintain their friendship is a rare feat among men in their 40s, whose social bonds typically erode due to careers, family obligations, and sheer exhaustion. “It’s truly remarkable that they still make time to meet,” said Dr. Elaine Kim, a sociologist studying adult friendships. “Even if their primary bonding activity is collectively staring into the middle distance and sighing in unison.”

At press time, the group was reportedly too tired to schedule their next meetup though they were not too tired to complain about their tiredness.