WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold shift from traditional military strategies, the United States has announced the development of a new class of weapons aimed not at annihilating enemies, but at utterly crippling them with confusion, inefficiency, and a sheer inability to function. These “Weapons of Mass Incompetence” (WMIs) are designed to incapacitate enemy nations not through force, but through a targeted assault on organizational systems, decision-making, and general competence.

“We’ve realized that in this modern world, it’s not about who has the biggest bomb—it’s about who can create the most logistical nightmares,” said General Michael Adams, head of the Department of Defense’s new Division of Strategic Incompetence. “Imagine sending your enemy into a spiral of missed deadlines, vague email chains, and hours spent in endless Zoom meetings. It’s devastating.”

The first prototype weapon, codenamed Operation Paper Trail, involves a highly advanced, AI-driven system that can flood enemy governments with 10,000 emails per minute, each with unclear subject lines and cryptic messages, ensuring that no one knows who’s in charge or what needs to be done. Early tests have shown that even the most seasoned bureaucrats can be paralyzed for days trying to track down which email is the most urgent.

“The beauty of it is, they can’t even call a meeting to figure out the problem, because they’re too busy scheduling and rescheduling their meetings,” Adams explained. “It’s complete chaos, and no one even knows who’s responsible for anything anymore.”

The United States has also rolled out Project PowerPoint, an initiative aimed at overwhelming enemy governments with a never-ending series of poorly designed presentations. Each deck is filled with meaningless graphs, inconsistent fonts, and nonsensical bullet points that no one understands but everyone pretends to.

“This is next-level warfare,” said Dr. Emily Stevens, a civilian contractor specializing in psychological warfare. “Nothing breaks the will of a leader faster than forcing them to sit through an hour-long presentation on ‘Synergies in Strategic Outlooks’ that never actually addresses any key issues.”

The Pentagon is also working on Operation Miscommunication, a weapon that introduces subtle discrepancies in every message, such as vague requests, ambiguous answers, and multiple instances of “I think I forwarded that email, but I’m not sure.” This leads to utter collapse of any coordinated action.

Experts are hailing these weapons as a game-changer for global diplomacy, noting that their effects are far more insidious than traditional weapons of mass destruction. Political strategist Joshua Bennett says, “If you really want to take down a country, you don’t need a warhead—you need a badly organized HR department.”

The US government has also unveiled a strategy for Operation Bureaucratic Black Hole, a combination of excessive paperwork, redundant forms, and an unrelenting cycle of policy revisions. The plan has already been tested on multiple agencies within the U.S. government, with astounding success.

“We’ve been testing it in local offices for years,” said one anonymous government worker. “I’ve seen people leave after waiting six hours, only to find out they were in the wrong line to begin with. It’s the future of warfare.”