NEW YORK — In a devastating blow to tradition, the International Commission on Romance confirmed Thursday that the classic Times New Roman font has been deemed “wholly inadequate” for conveying love, passion, or even basic human warmth.

“For years, we’ve ignored the evidence that Times New Roman is essentially the typographical equivalent of a tax form,” said Dr. Elaine Whitmore, a leading expert in emotional typography. “Frankly, if you’re sending a love letter in 12-point Times New Roman, you might as well be filing for divorce.”

The decision has sparked widespread debate, particularly among men who were previously under the impression that words alone carried meaning. “I thought what mattered was what I wrote, not how it looked,” said beleaguered boyfriend Daniel Greene, whose Valentine’s Day poem printed in default Microsoft Word settings was reportedly met with a “deep, disappointed sigh.”

Experts suggest that romantics looking to make a real impact should instead consider fonts like Edwardian Script for dramatic flair, Garamond for refined yearning, or Comic Sans for a declaration of love so chaotic it can only be interpreted as authentic.

Despite pushback from traditionalists, the ruling is already taking effect, with several greeting card companies announcing plans to phase out Times New Roman in favor of fonts that don’t “suck the life out of the words ‘I love you.’”

The Times New Roman fanbase, comprised primarily of legal professionals and college professors, issued a joint statement declaring, “We never liked love anyway.”