COLORADO — Gym attendees nationwide were thrown into a state of mild panic and deep existential contemplation Monday when local fitness enthusiast Jessica Calloway, 27, unknowingly displayed a visible panty line during her morning workout, effectively rendering all surrounding exercises meaningless.

“I came here to focus on my gains, but now all I can think about is whether that’s a full brief or some kind of hybrid boyshort situation,” said eyewitness and part-time dumbbell hoarder Mike Thompson, who reportedly abandoned his entire bench press routine to assess the social implications of Calloway’s workout attire.

Experts suggest that the sighting of a VPL—widely feared and yet scientifically inconsequential—has been known to cause severe disruptions to gymgoers, leading to phenomena such as prolonged treadmill staring, unnecessary core adjustments, and an alarming increase in weightlifting form breakdowns.

“It’s almost primal,” said sociology professor Dr. Elaine Carson, who has been studying the effects of gym-based distractions for years. “People will see a visible panty line, and suddenly everything they know about fitness, personal space, and common sense disintegrates. It’s truly remarkable.”

Sources confirmed that Calloway, completely unaware of the swirling existential crisis around her, continued her routine of squats, lunges, and deadlifts, further escalating tensions as onlookers struggled to determine whether pointing out the VPL was an act of solidarity or just profoundly weird.

Gym staff, meanwhile, have issued a reminder to all members that proper gym etiquette includes not staring at other people’s bottoms like they contain the secrets of the universe.